I Don't Trust Anyone

  I hate lying so much it makes me want to hurt myself, The facts when people do bad things it stays with me and I do not forget facts. The fact I like the idea of feeling insane I hate my mother and I don't take that back. She has no idea what it is like to be me. Who is the bully ? she seems confused with who really is. It is so sad to be in such a big family and not be shown any respect. My family is not at all one big happy family at all we put on smiles and act like people care 

Lying is a bad thing not being honest to people we care about is a bad thing, it scares me my brother gets to walk around and feel tough the things both side have put me through sucks. The younger version of myself the choices that people make are scarey 

Monsters are in human form all over us I thought things were lies i've defended myself my whole life i've felt most safe as a loner because I like not dealing with other peoples mellow drama. I do not like I try not to trash anyone then again I turn around and get treated like shit. One thing I know "Crash" is a great film and racism is a real cause looking out for me and my sons is tough. My mother failed me so much more then she realizes I am not the perfect princess at all there are days I wish I did not wake up. I wake up with actual facts that could hurt my mother and brother people like to play with me like maybe I am not smart and I do make bad choices. Maybe I like it that way I am not for everyone and I choose to deal with it. To my defense I have done dumb stuff. But each time I have learned from it. The one time I took the the time to not get addicted to coke, i've learned it is not a good drug for any of us, I guess taking pills that are not mine go into that same place. I'll own up to my mitakes My mother likes to blame me for stuff. Sadly I know I need to get far away from both sides of my family because they are going to feel the same dissapoitment I feel. Why so so does not like me is this fair? On there behalf growing up without the true value of family. 

My mother should look deep inside herself and ask how things are going...My life is not so perfect the fact my own mother when she looks at me Geez the stuff I deal with all day my mother gazes on me with beady eyes and makes me feel very unsafe. I've seen a lot I speak for myself  I know myself so much better then people realize. Relax is a real uncool statment because I can't, its like putting a cat in the bath tub. I will relax when the innocent get the right help. We al did not grow up the same and I am not confused I am not part black and white. Growing up in the chruch has done more damnges in my life. I can't believe the lows people will stoop to I know my mother and father are not connected to me at all. Posing with facts to make my brother and mother look back, Its so sad no can trust the drama that goes on in homes

The End Of A College Dream & Hopeless Ideas I Am A INFJ

Less Really Is More...

 Being a woman or girl in today's age is not what its cracked up to be at all, Boy like girls and girl hates boy. Try being stalked most your life how would you feel? So say maybe this girl is asking for attention but. Growing up with so many siblings and cousins I've learned to love my alone time. It is not a lie i've been bullied and out numbered most the time. These people are not my family at all they did there best to raise me but I think I did a better job rasing myself. To my readers what is really less and more in your eyes?

I have spent years in classes maybe, I was not a right fit in but the truth is I was not the only student, I remeber asking my brothers and cousins about school. Not one person would clue me. I've had some things happen while I lived in Marin things I refuse to talk about without it coming to a tell all. How do I really feel on a daily base is hard some days I wish I could remeber every little detail. My life is like one big nightmare, Don't be scared what I mean by less is more. We live in a socity that tells us to be "easy" and have sex with men, knowing you don't want to. The clue is being a woman or a girl is a diffclut thing. Sometimes I wake up and wish to be a man vs a woman. To be honest my childhood was not that great. I am the type of girl to try something once then refuse to do it anymore.I've had more fun being grounded I use all my imagination trust me my mind is like my heart they are connected. Having Cherry Johnson as a mother and father is not the easiet as much as I am mad at my father today.
Fathers are a daughters world I've gone put myself on the line for him yet I do not trust him at the same time. Less time to call him I can't believe my own father wants me to go gluten free. To my core it makes me sick he says it helps him. The sad thing is he made his own bad choices, I sit back in his fear I hate when they call me " My daughter" while I was in the hospital I found my mother and father to be no help to me. The fact they disowned me for choosing to be a parent on my own. Ugh makes me so sick that Cherry and Steve Johnson are lying. The fact I was touched more then once in my life.
Less you know might be better but it is so sick how my life can be so ruined by people. I do not seek to be a bully I mean what I say. The truth is I do not love myself enough the only, thing keeping me here most days. Maybe I make bad choices beacuse I never got the right help for things that went wrong. My mother never seems to want to move past her in life. Her only golden boy "Jereimah Johnson"turns out he is not such a perfect child. I am more in fear for his daughter growing up in this family. The worst parts about life I have two boys how do you teach them about things I know how do I express to them I've been raped? how to I tell them to be good people ? to know right from wrong ? The facts are true less is more is better? sometimes I ask myself if I like whats going on in my head. Most the time no I hate my life It is not a happy story. Please do not feel sorry for me while you read this. Abuse is real people hurt people and we go on with our days and act as if nothing happened. My defense I pefer to drink it off or make myself forget, Trust me when I drink i've made so many mistakes. Like a jack load of people I've dated and done, I wish I never met so many people.

Gia Carangi Goals

"I think God has a plan for me, but I don't think it's in this life."-Gia Carangi

 As A little girl my grandma would show me fun movies "Gia" was one of them still to this day is marked as one of my favorite movies. She has inspired me to use my a "note-book" Gia was right about alot of things and it takes watching the movies to subtle messages in the film how fast paced she lived her life. Gia showed me all about drug abuse and how fast you could lose the fame. Her war was with aids thats is scarey to think about she holds a special place in my heart. It took me places I never high end fashion marketing that and to obesses over Buffalo bill. 

Silence of the lambs was nother film my grandma showed me but no matter what she changed my life through showing me real life movies. I've learned so much from my grandam she has introduced me to some beatiful films, The fact I struggled so much growing up. Perosnally I enjoyed Gia most because it opened my own eyes to someday being a model. 

My Grandma would take me to special places like "Veronica secrets" she bought my first push up bra and thong I knew I loved her more because she cared the most. She showed me so many sepcial little things in life I value her so much more. It hurts more because she is dead. Aids has no cure we do not talk much about AIDs at all how effects us all. She opened up many doors. 

God may have whole diffrent plan for me now, I am obessed with the idea of Modeling I have wanted for years after all. I know I am short but I love being in front of the camara and I could see me doing this all my life. I've tossed and turned over ideas anytime I watch Gia I get more ideas. Like I enjoy her wild like views. I am more thankful to my grandma everyday she opned my eyes to the beatuiful things in life, Something suttle about me headed in a work place like Gia I fear the AIDS. She was her own model I loved that so much, She has this careless way of life i've gotten to see bothside. 

Final thoughts her life was shortly lived and I wish to know more before heading stright to modeling. I feel it is smarter to learn the in and outs of being a Petite Model down the runway. I am short girl with huge dreams something about being easy has changed my life giving into the wrong people has helped me see There is so much more to this story. 
Gia Carangi was not a prefect girl but she was so honest and I am still mad they refuse to talk about the aids and publicly should be talked about. She is one of the world known models who could have been much more. She should have stayed off drugs. 
Life and death, energy and peace. ..Quote based off Gia she was such magic to be seen. 

Bam The Man Is Great ! Me Pebbles

   The importance of modeling Is huge I feel like when I walk around I feel as a bad example.People judge us everyday from and not one of us has fallen really truthful about what we fear, what hurts us, and what #metoo movement really means. Maybe due to being failed so much I like to push myself more. For some reason I struggle between death and losing my mind. I think I am sad because of a boy I loved more then myself. Maybe I'll meet a nice navy man he will safe my life. Modeling to me means so much more Leaning my body means so much more to me. I've overcome some difficult daysFame means so much to me just to be a better face of the future, i'll never love again. But I wish one day my someone will look up to me. I may not be able to afford it. Can I add I met Bam forever changed my life I want to add his Photo into my library which is worth so much more.He saved my life today May I add I am daring shaving your head is thrilling, daring I'd do it all over again, Its so fun to rebuild your own views of yourself. The future because it is fun to be different my style is all over Brandon Cole is my new best friend although he might not pick up my phone calls..I've got his number.Please pass this on for luck of a good man and a hopeful fan leaning towards my natural talent sorry which movie quote?Bam paved the way for me i've had a old gf that showed us the way Ryan dunn would have made me a good wife. He is such a handsome man. Maybe I was supposed to meet Bam he saved me just a asked him to sign my paper I felt like If Ivan was not there I would have kissed him Rumor has it I raped Bam that night I also just want him to know where I live. Bam helped me out when no one would He and his jackass friends are amazing and I wish to do a film with them this is a extended vent I am having a emotional day.My illness gets the best of me and I am really sick..I hope to meet Novak one day he is my hero shh don't tell wee man I like him 

Aesthetic Please Try, Recovery Pass It on

                                    Recovery Is not a lie, Step-it up and try to add your own stuff...
This is what I did to make my own recovery Potion This stuff makes you feel something I don't know maybe I am just a INFJ But do this yourself because who else wants stress to rule your life? 

1. 2 tsp of cinnamon 
2. 3 tsp of Coco Powder 
3. 2 Tsp of All Spice 
4. Milk Of Any Kind 
5. A Mug 
6. Mix all together 

1 or 2 mugs you might mess up I did I also added 3tsp of cane sugar and some heavy cream plus rich soy..over cook it in the microwave then it will bust over into the cup plus I forgot to stop and stir it for once this is recovery potion right? I enjoy this so much It is a burst In a cup..Please try this Pin Play anyways It worth a try other then that I'd be walking around crazy  Sorry not sorry no picture please enjoy reading about how much I enjoyed Recovery and I'll make it again.
Please try it yourself Boys and Girls Would I Lie? 

A Real Struggle, The Power Of A Black Man And High Hopes

I tend to look how I feel

This view of me as a child  unwell I've been finding sickness all my life and no help fighting the boogie man all my life. He knows what he did, the facts as a child if I showed my own sons this picture how would they feel? I trust my guy If you think my mother is so great how come I can stuggle so much and still own up to my parts? Or take the blame I'll be the guilty party because I am so diffrent so protective so take eveything perosnal but not one person has been there for me.Perosnally do you know what it is like to be bulllied all your life struggling to mange anyone but one thing I know is thy self. I love being diffrent I should not have to suffer because i'll give my self a even harder time over the choices that relect leadersip. I am not a leader nor a follower I think for meself. If someone told me to jump I would not imagin what it feels like to wish I was no longer here on a daily baises I wait for this illnese to kill me its the safest way I can die peacefully. Like etta my cat burned.I'll die peacfully soundly in my sleep, Just look at the drops in my healthy self. I dig deep within me I do not fear death, when its my time to go I will, I feel there is a whole new set of fire in me.

Hey look what I found, Info to make the police look bad and not help out a Disabled..Collective baby doll

Lets start why did the cops not help me when I have proof of meetings I've been to, Oh but I to grab poof at our last "cherry valley beat meetin." how will this apply to court? witness of bad behavior from you police team should I show the new paper what proof I have. I felt most uncomftable with my therapist need less to stay I roomed a real pedophile "jason stevens" Lets not for get how "easy" I am to spot the wrongful death lawsuit? who makes the choice to end a life ? vs help the problem?

If only they won't so heart-felt on breaking the on just a few inconnect views of them breaking the law, Or letting come people get away breaking laws "phoenix director" how do you trust that I prefer to walk around mentally ill vs help out the few men and woman who do not value a true cop oath. This is up in purpose of a war, I intend to win it I will go on file with the FBI beacuse you've made a mistake in using me as some type of "toy" you do not help the right people win....Trust me I've got stuff you have no idea about, trust me when I say I know some of you miss the unseen coke around here. This town is guilty for not doing the right thing due to him disbaling my kid My clue is watch your back.I don't take crap its the end....war trafficing..Use me as bate so you and Bianca Meet.

Pee-pee to death?

Rape ALigations

This is a story made with Kaleb Johnson...

Bullied most by this precious family, treated undecent and unkindly

There was a girl who always wanted to show kindness to a family with a history of unkindness towards me, It makes no sense how Katie Gillan was much better treated Vs me while I am the one who has lived under this roof the whole time. The facts her husban has exressed rudness towards me about Kaleb and being A child with "austism" is this fair? That she gets a happy ending to me? I've made the choice to have children. One day while we had a sleep over with Katie and Bianca Johnson made fun of me over being a single mother I have made the choice to never forgive them It was my choice to keep him all along. Katie as a teacher and sorta treated as a slave to this family. Amanda has no sense to use me as a refrence in her paper at domican Unversity so its depressing to me they judge me. In the end the popular think its better to to be disliked? 

I wish Katie and Amanda would just stop this compition In life with the broken line Its not fair that we need to match up to one another, The past seems to repeat it self. Amanda has no idea what a struggle is at all. She has no idea what its like to allow her family to walk all over me daily, So I hold back because Its my body and my choice. Just process them a bully family. Its seems faiir to now on top of that Jereimah Johnson is the one who seems to win al the wars, If this is a new beginning for gabrial we have a problem here, Why must we keep this cycle of pushing kids under water. I hope you see why chose to rep the man who raped me ? This family caused so much more drama and pain My life is so unhappy, Nothing passes by My mother chooses to support them too. #metoo is a lie to me based on who I sleep while I am drunk then take the time and serve me..after all Who wins when I go away? 

TRY struggling with the "idea" of being half black and white looking at Kaleb who you say I rep Half black and white..everything is fun behinde the computer, till you end the day with a black eye or fights Just foresee this as a warning for not believe me.